Imposter syndrome is when you feel like a fraud or a fake or you don’t deserve to be there, that you haven’t got the qualifications to be doing what you are doing, you don’t belong to be there, you haven’t earned the right to be there.
It essentially means that you are not able to internalise your achievements and your accomplishments, you can’t feel them, are unable to see yourself the way the rest of the world may see you and you are not able to acknowledge who you really are and what you are.
If you have never experienced this, then lucky you, but from my experience, most of us have.
This feeling of imposter syndrome has shown up for me many, many times in my life, but it is only very recently that I have understood and recognised this for what it actually is.
As you know, I am writing a book at the moment, and this kind of action – any kind of action that pushes us outside of our normal, outside of our safe, outside of our comfort zone – really shows up our stuff.
I have been aware of extraordinary procrastination in writing the book – beyond the normal creative process kind of procrastination – and this has been showing up for me everywhere (how we do one thing is how we do everything). I was being inconsistent, not honouring my commitments, I was not following through on things, I was not finishing things I started. Rather than just doing what I was meant to be doing, I was spending a lot of time thinking about not doing it instead. Not fun at all.
What I do know is that the thing is never the thing. I am very lucky that I have trusted people in my life that I can talk to about these kinds of challenges (and I hope you do to, and if you don’t then you need to seek them out), and what came to me after talking about my struggle with the book was that I felt like a fake and who did I think I was to be writing this book, anyway?
And then what has been uncovered since then is that I am not disciplined and structured enough with myself to actually just sit down, put my head down and just get on with the things that I have committed to and that I know I need to do. Because if I just do them, then they get done and they are gone forever from my head.
Over the last few months, one of my key affirmations has been “I am disciplined, I am structured, I am organised and I am focused”. The great thing about affirmations is that they come true if you believe in them and are prepared to do what is being asked of you to allow them to become your experience.
On the Fairfield walk last Thursday morning, I shared with the group some of these struggles I was having and Jodie Preiss shared this super cool system she uses for time management. Jayne and I thought it was so brilliant that we did a focus block together for 45 minutes straight after the walk and the rest of the day was highly productive too. I am now writing this blog in a 90 minute admin block 🙂
If you are struggling with being disciplined about getting stuff you know you need to get done, done, then try blocking out a 90 minute window and be clear about the purpose and focus of what you are going to achieve in that time. I’ve tried implementing aspects of the system before but something about the way this is explained made a lot of sense to me. I am feeling quietly optimistic that this may be the way forward for me through procrastination and lack of consistency in finishing off stuff I start. Maybe it might help you too. You can find out more at www.productiveflourishing.com. (I am not an affiliate of this system – I just like sharing good and helpful stuff from good and helpful people).
With all my love,
You can order your very own copy of The Happiness Hunter’s Guide to Meditation here.